In search of contentment...

Over the past couple of weeks I have been able to gain some clarity on some things I have been struggling with these past 6 months or so. It was one of those rare and wonderful moment when you can almost feel the hand of God working in your life. I thought I might share what I wrote in my journal this morning. While you all have probably learned these lessons, it might give you some insight into where I am on my journey...

(Keep in mind that I wrote this to myself, so I felt ok about making some assumptions they way "we" see things... we being me and myself, of course :)

' When we talk about being outside of our comfort zone we assume that means experiencing something new and unknown. I'm learning that for me, it means living with the 'same' - the same people, in the same place, doing the same thing everyday. The challenge is living in the routine, everyday, seemingly mundane moments of each day, and through God, finding meaning and joy in each of these moments. It is learning to be content with God's love and grace, no matter where I am or what I am doing.

Last spring I started asking God for peace; for the ability to be content where I was and who I was with. What I really wanted was for God to place his stamp of approval on my situation; sending me a sign that I was where He wanted me. Although I am still realizing what He is doing in my life (as I always shall be), I am continually amazed at his wisdom and even more, his patience with my self-centered soul. Instead of 'zapping' me with a sense of contentment, he placed me in a situation where I could practice being content. Instead of putting me where I would feel at peace, He lead me to a situation where I can learn to find peace in Him.

It seems that God isn't as interested in giving us what we think we need, but rather placing us where we can learn what we actually need. He doesn't leave us to struggle, but waits patiently for us to recognize our need for Him. He is the 'Almighty Servant', quietly, and sometimes not so quietly, answering our prayers by gradually putting the pieces of our lives in view of His Reality. Whether we choose to humbly struggle toward that Truth is our choice.

If we do choose to pursue His Reality, or better said, the only True Reality, then why would we expect anything less than the most challenging, creative, stimulating, and honest series of teachable moments we have ever experienced? If we knock at his door, He will answer. Just don't expect everything on the other side of that door to be easy, or feel good at first. In a world lost in its own fictional story, the introduction to Reality will logically be a difficult transition. The beautiful part is that The Author is waiting to guide use through the most imaginative, joyous, and fulfilling story ever written.'

Disclaimer: Having said all that, I'm only just beginning to reach for the door. I'm pretty sure I've knocked, although sometimes I forget which door I'm at or why I knocked in the first place... Now that I think about it, I've probably slammed God's own door in his face more times than I can count. I don't know what His Reality looks like, but I'm just beginning to Trust it is there and it's wonderful!