Opportunities to learn...

I've been struggling lately to keep perspective on my life; to keep looking at the big picture instead of just focusing on the less motivating aspects of every day life.

I have amazed myself at how short my memory is. I finished an incredible road trip around the country just 3 weeks ago, yet I have found myself moaning about how boring my life is in MI. It's sad and a bit frustrating to be given such obvious examples of my own faults... contentment has never been a strong point for me. I was thinking the other day about how I prayed so much this summer for a feeling of peace and contentment about where I was and not knowing where I would be going. It has occurred to me that perhaps God wasn't so much interested in giving me that feeling (which was relatively easy while in Boone and dating you) as he is teaching me how to find those feeling in a place that I don't necessarily want to be.

While riding, my dad and I would listen to lectures that we downloaded from L'Abri (the Christian organization where I am going to study in January). These lectures cover topics from cynicism to forgiveness and everything in between. A few lectures that i really enjoyed talked about prayer. A part of our faith that I have never been entirely comfortable with. It really got me thinking about how God wants to play an active part of our lives. I get so caught up in the philosophical and rational side of Faith that I prayer has always felt strange to me. To put it one way, I have always felt comfortable with the logical side of my Faith - that God does exist and that his way of life is the best possible way to live. But intellectual "understanding" doesn't always correlate with emotional "understanding". You once told me that you sometimes burst into tears after reading parts of the Bible. You have no idea how much I envy that. 

My point here is that I have a hard time "feeling" that God is truly involved in our lives; and prayer is perhaps our most powerful connection with a God that is here, now, and involved. Although I still struggle with this (and probably always will), I am hoping that this period of my life will help me learn to know God in a more personal and present way. Maybe a few months without constant stimulation will be good for me.

I may have shared this quote from "Evan Almighty" (yes, the bad comedy with Steve Carrell) with you already, but it is actually a pretty profound idea... maybe not always how God works, but perhaps sometimes it is...:

"Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?"

Maybe this is my opportunity to learn how to be content and at peace with life... even when I am not "fulfilled" in all the ways I hope to be.